A long short story by a fascinating new writer from Canada whose emotion literally boils off the page ...R.H.

A short story by

Allison Galusha

Part 1:

Falling Apart

She stood there, staring in disbelief at her reflection. Could the person looking back at her from the mirror really be herself? She ran her fingers through her long dark hair and sighed. Her hair felt stringy, greasy even. She turned on the faucet and ran some cold water in the sink, splashing some on her face. She'd been crying and her once sparkling green eyes were red and bloodshot. Her milk-like pale skin looked washed out instead of radiant and flawless like usual. She closed her eyes for a minute, wishing that all of this was just a dream, but when she opened them again her reflection was still there. She examined her silhouette in the mirror. She'd always been proud of her body before. She loved it when her friends would get jealous of her for eating all she wanted to and not gaining any weight. But now she just looked sick, even delicate. The first word that came to her mind was fragile. Almost as if you touched her with too much force she would break, shattering into thousands of tiny pieces.

Had she ever really believed that running away from her problems was a good idea? She had thought that being on her own, living life in the fast lane would be fun and exciting. But instead it had done this to her. And the worst part was that this was just the outside, the part of her you could see. The damage it had done to her inside, deep down in her heart and mind, was immeasurable and, or so she thought, irreversible. She was only eighteen, yet she felt so old, like she'd already done everything there was to do in life, and if that was the case, she thought, why go on living in this state of constant emotional and physical pain?

Vanessa's downward spiral had all really started about nine months before. She remembered it clearly, it was the night of the first big fight. Her parents frequently had disagreements in the past but they had always talked out their problems and forgave each other quickly. For some reason, however, this time it was different.

She'd just come home after a night out with her boyfriend, Ben. They'd sat in his truck in her driveway for a while talking and then after the mandatory good-night kiss she got out of the truck and made her way up the drive to her house. As she walked along she smiled thinking of Ben and the way he made her feel. They'd only been dating for just over a month, but still, he was the absolute greatest guy...

Her thoughts were interrupted by a crashing sound and then two people yelling at once. As she turned her key in the lock she pressed her ear up against her front door to try and hear what was going on. It was definitely her parents that were doing all the screaming, but she had no clue why. Whatever it was that they were arguing about they seemed really angry and Vanessa didn't want to disturb them so, quickly and quietly, she stuck upstairs to her room unnoticed. The yelling went on for over an hour. Vanessa grew more and more scared and she lay on her bed curled up into a ball, almost in tears. She hated it when her parents fought, she always felt that it was her fault somehow. Finally the screaming stopped, then she heard a door slam, and a moment later, a car start. She ran to her window just in time to see her father speed off.

She went downstairs to find her Mother sitting at the kitchen table, sobbing uncontrollably. She felt like a little kid, afraid and unsure of what to do, so she just put her arm around her Mother and cried with her.

The next day her Dad came home after work and both of her parents just acted as if nothing had happened. Vanessa tried once to ask her Mother what they had been arguing about the night before but she quickly changed the subject. Vanessa just dropped it, figuring that some things were probably better left alone. However when the same thing happened a few days later she really started to worry.

At first they only fought once or twice a week but as time went on their house became a full-fledged battlefield. It seemed as if her parents couldn't do or say anything without starting a fight, and worst of all, their arguments turned violent. To begin with they would throw things like dishes, and coffee cups, but things quickly progressed. One day while she was up in her room Vanessa heard her Mother cry out in pain. She ran downstairs to find her Mom curled up on the floor of the kitchen, with her nose bleeding and a swollen eye. Her father was standing over her Mom, ready to hit her again when Vanessa jumped in front of him screaming for him to leave them alone. He picked Vanessa up and threw her at the wall, hitting her head, and leaving a bruise on her back.

After that she always locked herself in her room when they were fighting. She'd lay on her bed under the covers and call Ben. He was the only person she told about her problems at home. She would just lie there, crying, while Ben talked to her and tried to comfort her by telling Vanessa how much he loved her. She didn't know what she would do without him in her life. He was the only really serious boyfriend she'd ever had. She'd went out with a lot of guys in the past, but none of her relationships had lasted much longer than a few weeks. She'd just never clicked with anyone like this before. He constantly tried to get her to tell someone who could help her about her problems, but Vanessa made him swear that he would never tell a soul. And she knew he would always keep his word, no matter how worried he was for her safety.

After about four months of having to live in constant fear, her father just disappeared. Following a particularly violent fight one day he'd just driven off and hadn't bothered to come back. At first Vanessa thought that this was a blessing in disguise. Now her and her Mother could go back to living a regular life. They didn't really need her Father, they could get by without him. Unfortunately, her dreams didn't exactly come true. Her Mother was fine for a few days, but then the reality of the situation sank in and she broke down.

She started drinking, and stopped caring about anything else, even Vanessa. She would just sit at home all day with a bottle of Scotch, sleeping, watching TV and wallowing in her own self pity. After a while she lost her job, and all of her friends. Vanessa really worried about her, but she didn't know what to do. After all, her Mother was supposed to be the adult here. She should be the one telling Vanessa that everything would be all right, not the other way around.

When her Mother was drunk she got angry and Vanessa was the constant subject of her criticism. From the second she got home from school each day her mother would yell at her for everything she did. If she got anything less than an A in school she would get a lecture on how stupid she was. If she went out with her friends her Mother would tell her how she was never home, and how she obviously didn't care about her family, or her responsibilities. Any little thing could set off a fight and Vanessa spent every moment in fear that she would do something wrong. Every second that she spent at home was pure torture and she just couldn't take it anymore. She had to find a way out of there. She just had to.

The more her parents kept fighting, and the more violent their disputes became, the closer she got to Ben. She depended on him to be her rock, the one constant in her life. She knew that when she was scared and upset the only place she felt safe was in his arms. She would just let herself sink into him as he held her close, protecting her from everything bad in her life. He always smelled so good. Sometimes she would borrow his sweatshirts, just so she could feel close to him when he wasn't around. It was just his natural smell. She couldn't really explain it but somehow it made her feel comforted, like she wasn't really alone in the world. Her best friend had moved away a few months before and now Ben was the only person she really felt that she could talk to. They had quite an extraordinary relationship. Vanessa could never figure out why he put up with all of her problems. She was in constant crisis mode, and yet without fail, he was always there for her, supporting and loving her.

He wrote her the sweetest letters. She always felt so special after reading them. When her parents were fighting at night she'd sit up in her room and read them over and over. Her favorite was the one that said:

She always cried after she read that one. It was nice to know that if nothing else at least someone cared about her.

Her and Ben spent all their spare time together. He had the softest hair and the most beautiful big brown eyes that she could spend hours looking into. They never did anything apart and people started to think of them as one entity, like a package deal. Where Ben was Vanessa was and vice versa. More than anything though they just liked to be alone together. He was her knight in shining armor, her escape from reality. When she really thought about it, at the time he was not only the most important person in her life, but he had in fact became her whole life. She always put his needs before her own, considering how he would react before she decided anything. Basically, she worshipped him. Which is why she was so devastated when, on the day before she started grade 12, he called her and told her that he had met someone else.

His explanation was simple. He'd went on a camping trip with his friends and met this girl that he could have fun with. She was always happy and outgoing, and she didn't have tons of emotional baggage like Vanessa. Besides, he thought that they were too young to be in that serious of a relationship. With that he said he hoped they could still be friends and hung up.

It was as if everything stopped. Her whole world just came crashing down. She was in absolute shock, to say the least. She had never seen this coming and she really didn't know what to do. She'd given him almost seven months of her life. She told him her deepest innermost secrets and thoughts, and now he was gone from her life, just like that. The worst part was that now she didn't even have anyone to talk to. She really was all alone in the world now. She just couldn't deal with her life. She needed to find a way out.

Alicia

It was almost synchronicity the way Vanessa and Alicia met. Just when Vanessa needed to find a way out of her life she met the one person who could provide her with that escape.

It was her first day of grade 12 and as if she wasn't already feeling bad enough about her break up with Ben, someone banged into her, nearly knocking her over, as she walked up the front steps of the school. She bent over to pick up the notebook she dropped and when she stood up she got a look at the person who had walked into her.

Standing in front of her was one of the most beautiful girls she had ever seen. She was wearing a short black sundress, platform shoes, and a pair of dark sunglasses. She had really long, obviously bleached, blond hair and shiny dark red lips. Vanessa thought that she looked as if she easily could have been a model or an actress, and she was expecting this girl to be a snob about the whole incident. But the girl surprised her. As she took off her sunglasses with one hand, exposing the bluest eyes Vanessa had ever seen, she held out her other hand to help Vanessa up. "I'm terribly sorry about this" she said, " My name's Alicia. I'm new here and I got lost. I was looking for my Social class and I obviously wasn't looking where I was going. You wouldn't be able to help me find my class, would you?"

They compared schedules and found out that they were in the same Social and Math classes. As they walked to class together Vanessa asked Alicia where she was from. Her eyes lit up as she answered. "California, and I'm going back as soon as possible. I just can't stand it here. No offense or anything." "Oh, don't worry," said Vanessa, "I can't stand it here either." And with that said their friendship had begun.

Alicia was truly a free spirit. From what she told Vanessa, she had led quite an exciting life. She told Vanessa stories about all the boyfriends and wild parties that she had had in L.A.. Vanessa was both intrigued and intimidated by Alicia at the same time. She was really nice and exciting to hang out with but Vanessa felt so unimportant next to her. She'd always been a good-girl, and she didn't want Alicia to think that she was a loser. When they'd hang out Vanessa always did most of the listening while Alicia talked. Alicia always asked her why she was so quiet and depressed, but Vanessa just said she didn't want to talk about it.

When Vanessa finally opened up to Alicia and told her about Ben, Alicia was amazed. She couldn't believe that Vanessa was so heart broken over some guy. She insisted that a guy had never hurt her before. Then again most of her relationships could be considered flings. She'd generally get bored and dump the guys that she was going out with after a couple of weeks, and on the rare occasion that she would get dumped she'd be more mad then upset. She would try to make her ex-boyfriends jealous by showing up with a new boyfriend before they had a chance to find a new girlfriend. She was the kind of girl that guys were always fighting over. Alicia told Vanessa that there were two rules to follow in life. 1) Never become dependent on a guy, think of them as a luxury. Something that's nice to have around, but that's totally not necessary, and 2) Forget about the guy you've got if someone better looking comes along. Alicia was always saying things like that. She never took anything seriously. She was the complete opposite of Vanessa.

One day when they were talking Alicia told Vanessa that the reason she had moved was because her parents had gotten divorced. She wasn't upset about their divorce, she thought it was better this way because they were miserable together. After that Vanessa broke down crying and told Alicia about her own parents fighting and her mothers drinking. They made a pact that day that they would work together and find a way out of this place where they were both so unhappy and lonely.

Vanessa never really took the pact that seriously so she was surprised when Alicia came to school a few days later and announced that she had the perfect plan. They would run away together to L.A.. She had lots of friends there and she could find them a place to stay. They could get jobs and start a new life. All she had to do was make a few phone calls and everything would be set up. At first Vanessa completely dismissed the idea but Alicia made her promise she'd at least think about it, so she did.

Three days later Vanessa called Alicia to tell her that she was packed and ready to go. Alicia asked her if she was sure she wanted to do this and Vanessa assured her that she had never been more sure of anything in her whole life. So Alicia threw some clothes in a bag and picked up Vanessa twenty minutes later.

Vanessa knew that this was a rash decision. She'd only had a few days to think about it, but the thought had consumed her. The very idea of escaping her own personal prison was all she could think about day and night, and now she finally had a way out. Maybe Alicia's plan wasn't perfect but at least it would get her away from her Mother, from Ben, and from her life.

It took them about four days to get to L.A.. They drove for most of the day, taking turns behind the wheel of Alicia's little red sports car that her Mom had bought her for her seventeenth birthday. They turned up the radio really loud and put down the convertible top so their hair could blow in the wind. Vanessa felt like she was living in a movie, this was just so perfect. They were free.

At night they would stay in cheap roadside motels with cockroaches and stains on the walls. They were disgusted but they decided to just deal with it. "Whatever doesn't kill us makes us stronger," Alicia would say, "Just think of it as part of our great adventure."

Dez

It was early afternoon when they finally arrived in L.A.. As Alicia drove through the city Vanessa stared in awe at how different everything was. Alicia told her that they would by staying at her friend Dez's house. He had extremely rich parents that had died in a plane crash and left all their money to him. He taken some of his inheritance and bought a huge house which he invited all his friends to stay at whenever they wanted.

When they got to Dez's he wasn't there so his friend Keisha let them in. Keisha was quite beautiful, but in an almost scary way. She was very tall and thin with short black hair and the darkest eyes Vanessa had ever seen. She was wearing all black and had her eyebrow, lip and tongue pierced. She invited them in and told them that Dez should be home soon and that he was throwing a party in their honor that night, not that Dez didn't throw a party every night anyway. She spoke with an interesting accent that Vanessa couldn't quite place. She found out later that Keisha had been born and raised in Africa and then had lived in Australia for 3 years, which would explain why she always went around calling everyone mate.

When she finally met Dez Vanessa was surprised by his appearance. She didn't really know what she'd been expecting, but this definitely wasn't it. He was kind of short and actually quite average looking, except for his spiky blue hair and tattooed arms. When he had came home about half an hour after they had arrived he had welcomed them both with a hug and a kiss on the cheek. He'd shown them to some rooms that they could stay in and then they'd put on their bathing suits and went out by the pool to suntan. After a while Dez came out and joined them, bringing them Daiquiri's to sip on. As she lay there Vanessa could feel Dez's eyes on her and whenever she looked up he would smile at her. He made small talk with her, telling her about all the things there were to do in L.A., and telling her about the new car he'd just bought. Vanessa decided that he was really a nice guy. Maybe he could even help her to forget about Ben.

The party that night was like nothing Vanessa had ever seen. There were hundreds of people. They were everywhere she turned, and all of them were either drunk or high. There were drugs everywhere and Vanessa was overwhelmed. She went outside to be by herself, to absorb everything that was going on. After a while Dez came out and joined her with a bottle of champagne and two glasses in his hands. They dangled their legs in the pool and talked as they drank to her new life. She was quite drunk by the time Dez offered her some cocaine. She'd never even thought of doing drugs before, but she figured why not. After all this was her new life, what did she have to lose? He showed her how to snort it and she took a hit. It was the best sensation she'd ever felt. Her heart was racing and she felt so alive.

After that night Vanessa partied with Dez and his friends every night. Alicia had hooked up with one of her ex-boyfriends and she was never around so Vanessa turned to Dez for friendship. They'd spend their days together getting high. Acid, coke, heroin, whatever Dez gave her she took. It was her great escape from reality. At first she was weary about what all the drugs would do to her but Dez promised that he would protect her. Once addiction started setting in she didn't even question what she was taking. She trusted Dez to keep her safe. He always watched out for her, making sure no one hurt her, and after a couple of weeks they had become lovers.

She was living life in the fast lane, but still she was miserable. She'd sit awake at nights, missing Ben and thinking about how pathetic her life really was. There was something about warm, sunny California days that made it next to impossible for her to cry. She'd sulk and be unhappy all day, but it wasn't until the stars were out that she would break down. She'd sit in the backyard, alone, crying. There in the darkness everything just seemed so empty and meaningless. She felt so all alone and the only way she could deal with her loneliness was to take more drugs, and there were always some around. As the days went on the depressed feeling inside of her grew and grew, eating her alive.

As Vanessa looked into the mirror she started to cry again. It had only been three months since she moved to L.A., but it had crushed her. She was even worse off now than she had been back home. She was so incredibly depressed. She had really lost all will to go on living, and nobody had even noticed.

She knew what she had to do now. She would run away from her problems one last time. For once and for all the pain would be over. She opened the medicine cabinet and grabbed the first bottle of pills that she saw. She opened the bottle and put a handful of the pills in her mouth and swallowed. She drank some water and then finished off the bottle and repeated the process until the medicine cabinet was empty.

Vanessa knew had found her final escape.

Part 2:

The Memories

Izzy

The drugs were starting to take effect now. She was dizzy and her thoughts were becoming all blurry, kind of like static on a T.V. screen, fuzzing in and out. She wasn't sure if her thoughts were real or just tricks her mind was playing on her. Vanessa realized that feeling like this didn't even scare her. She was used to being out of control in her life. After all of the drugs she had consumed lately this was almost her natural state. That thought alone scared her. How pathetic and meaningless had her life become?

She suddenly got dizzy and had to grab the edge of the counter to balance herself. When she finally regained composure she lowered herself to the ground. She sat there for a few minutes with her eyes closed, feeling disoriented. When her head stopped spinning she slowly opened her eyes and looked around. Something shiny she saw out of the corner of her eye caught her attention and she looked down. It was her gold ankle bracelet. She undid the clasp and took it off, playing with it in her hands. When she looked at the charm hanging off of it she had to smile. The words "Best Friends" were engraved on a small gold heart.

She'd bought it a couple of years ago when she went shopping with her friend Isabelle. That day at the mall they'd gotten makeovers and bought some wild clothes. That night they snuck out in their sexy new outfits and went to a dance club to pick up guys.

Vanessa and Isabelle always had the greatest time together. The best way to describe them was wild, although they liked to use the word "spirited". When the first met in grade 7 they bonded instantly. It was like they'd known each other forever, and they swore that they shared the same brain. Ever since then they had spent almost every Friday together having a girls night out. They'd do crazy things like going out and pretending that they were foreign exchange students, talking in their best accents. Sometimes they'd start dancing right in the middle of a store. "Shall we Tango Izzy?", "Of course darling.", they'd say as they grabbed each other and danced down an isle. Once they even walked through a mall holding hands, pretending to be lesbians, just to see what kind of reactions they'd get. If nothing else they definitely knew how to have a blast.

They told each other virtually everything and swore that they would never let a guy come between them. "Boyfriends come and go, but Best friends last forever" was their personal motto. And it was true, they had been inseparable, or at least until the day everything changed.

Isabelle's Dad was offered a job in Greece and he decided to take it. After four amazing years together Isabelle exited Vanessa's life as quickly as she'd come into it. Of course they promised to keep in touch but after a couple of postcards and a few dozen e-mails they'd started to drift apart. Isabelle started making new friends and lost interest in Vanessa. She had known that a long distance friendship would be hard but still, she was hurt. Vanessa was mad and bitter that her so-called best friend had just up and left her. She leaned her head against the wall and sighed. Why was it that everyone she cared about, everyone she loved, were always the people that hurt her the most? She suddenly remembered how she had called Isabelle imclearbluemediately after her first kiss to tell her all about it. Just thinking about that brought back a whole new flood of memories.

Some Things are Worth waiting For

As opposed to many of the girls she knew whose fist kiss was thanks to some immature game like spin the bottle, Vanessa's was nothing like that. In fact she spent most of Junior High avoiding situations like that. She always wanted her first kiss to be special, even magical in a way. She wanted it to be with someone she cared about, not someone who she was just randomly chosen to end up with. So by the time she finished grade 8 and had yet to have a boyfriend, all of her friends started bugging her about it. It wasn't that she couldn't get a boyfriend. Plenty of guys had asked her out. The problem was that she was just interested in one guy, her dream guy. And she hadn't met him yet. But she knew that one day she would, and he'd be amazing....

The one thing about Michael was that he could always make her laugh. The first time Vanessa saw him she never would have thought that he was a funny guy. She was taking an art course in the summer and he was in her class. On the first day the kids made their way around the room sketching the objects the teacher had put out. They talked and got to know each other but Michael on the other hand, sat by himself sketching something that he was obviously hiding. Vanessa was intrigued by him but she was fairly shy around new people and it took her over a week before she got up the nerve to actually go and talk to him.

She couldn't remember exactly what she said to him that day but it was to do with borrowing charcoal or a pencil or something. He gave her what she had asked for and then she asked him if she could see his sketches. He wouldn't show her them so she started to make conversation and they really hit it off. After only a few days of talking they already knew so much about each other. Vanessa had shown him all of her artwork, but he told her that he didn't show anyone his work unless he totally trusted them and felt comfortable with them. He felt that his drawings were like a window to his soul and he feared that if he showed people his work that they would criticize it, and therefore criticize him and the person he was.

On the last day of the course Michael handed Vanessa a large envelope. He asked her not to open it while he was around so she waited until she got home. The second she got into her room she closed the door and ripped the envelope open. Inside were a note and a drawing. The note simply said, "You mean a lot to me Vanessa, let's stay friends, OK? Call me" and had his phone number at the bottom. The drawing however was absolutely breathtaking. It was titled "Vanessa" and it was the most beautiful thing she had even seen. It looked like her only she was an angel. She looked so radiant and far more attractive then she actually was in real life. The wings looked so real. She thought that if she gazed at this amazing image long enough that it might just come to life.

Needless to say they had stayed friends. She felt almost as comfortable with him as she did with Isabelle. They had a special bond and could always find something to talk about. Once Michael opened up to her he wasn't shy anymore and he showed her his funny side. He knew how to make her laugh like no one else could. She was always happy when they were together. They genuinely cared about each other but neither one of them mentioned that they had romantic feelings for one another. They had something really great and they both knew that if they went out and broke up, their relationship probably couldn't handle it.

Only one time did they ever slip up. It was one of those unbelievable summer days, right before they had to go back to school. Their freedom was rapidly coming to an end and they knew it, so the spent the day at the beach, savoring their last days of fun and independence.

It was just getting dark when they started to walk home. Michael held her hand as they walked and they looked into each other's eyes and smiled. When they got to her house they sat down on her front steps and she rested her head on his shoulder as they stared up at the stars. They weren't really talking but it was a comfortable silence. They both knew that they were just trying to hold onto the past, the memories of that amazing summer. They knew that in a few days they'd have to go back to their separate lives at different schools.

When he brushed her hair back and leaned down to kiss her she knew the time was right. Some things are worth waiting for, and this was definitely one of them. It might not have been the greatest kiss of her life, but it was the most memorable. It was romantic, spontaneous, and to be honest he had been a pretty good kisser.

After that night they never talked about the kiss. They stayed friends but they both went on to date other people. Their romantic feelings faded over time, but they always kept that special bond. Over the years they talked less and less, but she knew that if she ever needed a friend that Michael would be there for her.

Fireworks and Magic

Vanessa's tears of pain had almost turned into ones of happiness as she thought of Michael and all he had meant to her. It made her think of better times, when her life hadn't been so bad. She remembered that although life with her family had gotten unbearable towards the end it hadn't always been that way. She had actually had quite a happy childhood. Her parents had wanted lots of children but were only able to have her, so Vanessa had always been somewhat of a spoiled only child. Whenever her Father could get time off of work they went on extravagant vacations to wherever Vanessa wanted to go. No expense was spared to stay in the best hotels and do whatever Vanessa wanted and to buy her all the souvenirs she asked for. And even though her parents bought her everything she wanted it wasn't because they were trying to buy her love. They really did love her. They never cared about anything more then their daughter. They thought of her as a precious gift and lived for her. She was both Daddy's and Mommy's little girl, and she relished that fact.

One year they had taken her to Disneyland for Christmas Holidays. The three of them had spent the whole day walking around and waiting in lines for rides and Vanessa was exhausted. All the day's new experiences were just too much for her and she had finally fallen asleep in her Fathers arms. She couldn't remember how old she was at the time, but she figured about five or six. She was at the age where she thought that she was old enough to stay up late, but she wasn't actually old enough to do it. Her parents woke her up as the Mainstreet Electrical Parade was starting. She couldn't see very well so her Father put her up on his shoulders.

It was like nothing she'd ever seen before. There were thousands of bright and beautiful lights and all the characters from her favorite fairy tales were right there, before her very own eyes. She gazed in amazement at all of it, especially the fireworks that went off after the parade. She felt so good then. All she wanted was to have that feeling back. But she knew she couldn't. Not after she'd run away from her problems, and definitely not after what she'd just done to herself.

By now she was crying uncontrollably and she had closed her eyes and was violently shaking her head to try and get the memories to go away. But the pictures in head didn't stop, they only became more clear. She could see the scene in slow-motion now. It was as if she was watching a movie where the camera was focused on the main character and everything in the background was just a blur of colors and shapes. All the sound disappeared, except for the laughter of a child, her own laughter. She watched herself, sitting there on her Fathers shoulders, smiling and laughing while her eyes were fixated on the lights, the excitement, and all the dreams for her future that were right in front of her. She was as happy as she'd ever been that day. As happy as she'd ever been in her whole life.

Part 3:

Facing Reality

One Last Chance

Vanessa wiped the tears from her face and tried to pull herself together. The first time she tried to stand up she didn't even get halfway there before collapsing again. All the pills she had taken were making her feel as if she wasn't even in her body anymore. She concentrated hard until the light feeling in her head went away and she used all her strength to steady herself and get up. She could tell that she was close to passing out but she fought it with everything she had left as she got a glass of water and sat down on the edge of her bed.

As she drank the water she looked over at her balcony window. The curtains were blowing in the breeze and she remembered she had left the window open earlier. She was surprised at how dark it was outside so she looked at the clock and found out that it was midnight already. She'd lost all track of time while she had been crying. She put her empty glass down on the bedside table and stood up. She slowly walked over to the balcony and stepped outside.

Vanessa took a deep breath and she closed her eyes as she felt a cool breeze on the back of her neck. She stepped up onto the ledge and looked down at the world below her. She was three stories up and the concrete below normally would have scared her but she was feeling untouchable. The ground seemed comforting somehow, almost as if it was calling her. The memories of her life were still coming back to her, in quick flashes now. It seemed to her that this was her minds way of saying good-bye to everything she had ever had. As if her body was preparing itself for the end by emptying itself of all feeling.

She looked up at the night sky and her gaze paused on one particular star. It seemed to be coming closer to her. As her reality started to fade more and more the light continued to get brighter and larger and she had to struggle to keep her balance on the narrow balcony ledge. Vanessa sighed and thought of the picture that Michael had drawn of her, the beautiful angel. She could see herself now, a glowing bright light radiating from inside of her. Her luminous iridescent wings taking her higher and higher, making her head feel light with the release of it all. She leaned forward and, as she fell to the earth below, felt her whole body soaring and she savored the moment as she closed her eyes.

She never opened them again.

The End